The DR office from you know where.

It's a bit of a story but we had to change OB/GYNs.

          By now, most of you have read the post about the HIV test catastrophe. Well let's just say that when we started out at the new OB office that was going to be seeing us the rest of the pregnancy, we were slapped in the face with that whole nightmare again.

See, the in vitro place recommended a DR office for us. So, thinking that they knew what they were talking about, we mindlessly called and set up an appointment.

      The first appointment was the regular routine, blood work, pee in a cup, quick ultrasound, and talk to the Nurse Practitioner.  We had a couple more visits all within a few weeks time. Nothing special, just filling out and answering questions, yada yada.  Then, they schedule me to do another round of blood work.  A few days later, the Nurse calls me and says they need me to come in THAT day and get some more blood work.  I asked her why and she wouldn't tell me. She claims she wasn't able to talk to me about it over the phone.  I immediately knew what it was about.  So I told her (I had already told her about the chaos we went through at Jones with the HIV on the first meeting we had) that I knew what it was about and that I already had the confirmation test to prove that I did not have this disease.  She demanded that I needed to have yet ANOTHER test.
I made an appointment to go in. Up to this point... 5 visits in... we had not actually even seen a DR let alone spoke to one.  So, I figured, I would go up there, ask to talk to a DR and have them explain to me why the last test, which was supposed to be a do-all-end-all test, "doesn't count".  I got there and asked to talk to a DR.  They refused to let me talk to one. Now I am on the verge of punching someone in the throat.  That day the Nurse wouldn't even come speak to us.  We walked out without giving blood.   (there are some funny bits in this part of the story, but I don't know if i could portray them as well as they played out that day) Just know that we left extremely frustrated and kinda ticked.
Later that day, I got a call from one of the desk nurses telling me that they made me a consultation  appointment at EVMS Maternal Fetal Medicine.  So they could "explain to me the implications of not having this test done".
          **SN... EVMS MFM is the secondary OB office that I had to go to because the place that Jones  recommended was not capable of supporting a high risk pregnancy such as TWINS.  (I AM HAVING TWINS... WHY WOULD JONES RECOMMEND THIS FREAKIN PLACE???)

Anyways, I thought about it for a couple days and talked it over with John and we both concluded that I didn't need to have a consultation.  I am educated enough to know what the implications for these babies would be if I did in fact have HIV.  So, I called the DR office and asked them if they would cancel they consultation with MFM. The desk jockey said she would have to talk to the Nurse and call me back.  OK i say.

I got a call back within the hour.  Desk jockey tells me that if I cancel the appointment that they will drop as a patient.

WHAT!?!?!  They would drop me over a consultation visit?

Then she decides to tell me that I was supposed to be going over there for THEM to draw my blood.  That didn't sound like a consultation to me.

Ok. We went to the appointment.  As soon as we got called back an actual DOCTOR came to talk to us.  We were in shock.   Anyways, we laid out the scenario and tried to give him the quick, quick version of how we got here.

As soon as we were done, he agreed with us in thinking that ANOTHER HIV test seemed like over kill.  Well, we walked out of there (our first visit ever) feeling like we made a poor choice in OBs.
He did write me a prescription for another test. He said he was going to talk it out with some colleagues and make some calls to Labcorp (the place that has done all my blood work at this point) and then let me know if he thinks we should go ahead and do the test.
OK, at least he gave us some kind of reassurance that it wasn't "just because".

After a bit of talking, John and I decided that we no longer wanted to be seen at the DR office from Hades. We go in and request all of my records and tell them bye.  I guess it happens often, because they didn't seem too worried about it.

We have never been happier with any decisions that we have ever made.  The staff and doctors at MFM have been absolutely wonderful.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

    **SN...  Dr Hill (my DR at MFM) did recommend that we do one more round of blood work.  So I did.  It came back negative, just like the other one.  He apologized but said he just wanted to be on the safe side.  I didn't care at this point.  I just wanted to end this nightmare with the HIV testing.  Come to find out....... get this....  the hormones and fertility drugs that I had been on for two months prior to getting pregnant, are some times responsible for creating a 'false positive' for an HIV test.  I don't understand why they couldn't have taken that into consideration.   But anyways, we are happy now.

A little catching up.... (Ashley)

Well, I'm back.

28 weeks and 1 day.

I apologize for falling off of the map for a little while.  It's been a bit of an interesting past few months. 

I went to have my 28 week ultrasound today.  Every time I see those tiny little bodies curled up and moving around, my heart melts. 

These two tiny little souls that we created.  Growing and moving inside of me. 

I want to share this stuff with you.

Every time I get heartburn. Every time my feet swell. Every everything.

The last time I blogged was when I felt these little miracles move for the first time.
I can definitely say that we are a bit passed that.

Goodness, I don't even know where to pick back up.

Well, we know what we are having.  Mr. stubborn over here reluctantly gave in at the very last minute of our "discovery" ultrasound.  Just a side note... he teared up when we found out.

Over the last 13 or 14 weeks, these two have been upside down, right side up, butts in faces.

At one point they had planned an escape.   I believe the plan was to kick an escape hatch through my belly button. : ) They were unsuccessful.  I do give them kudos for trying.  Relentlessly.

I look like I am smuggling a basketball.  This belly is so big.   I imagine it should be.  These rascals weigh in at 2 lbs 11oz and 2 lbs 10oz.

Goodness goodness... so much to catch you all up on.

I am still at work.  They have turned me in to a desk jockey. FUN.  No, not really.
We are about to go out for Christmas shutdown.  That will be a nice break. 2 weeks of no work.

Oh, and my mom will be here next weekend.  : )
Have I ever mentioned how selfless she is?  WEEEELLLLL she is.
She put her life in Oklahoma on hold and is moving out here to help me with babies for the next year or so.    I am ecstatic.
I think she is too.  She will be with her first granbabies everyday. What else could a granma want?

So much catching up to do.

I still have to tell you what the genders are.  I know some of you already know but for those of you who don't....  you have to wait till the next blog.

I will tell you how I revealed it on FB.  ( I know, sounds corny, but a vast majority of my friends and family are divided all across the US, so it makes it hard to do any other way)

Well guys, I will pick this up later.

BYE... from all three of us. : )


oh and PS... I told John he has to start blogging too. I don't want this to be one sided.

2:41 AM (Ashley)

It's dark in the room.  The only light is the soft glow from my alarm clock. "Great! 2:41. At least I slept for a couple hours this time."

I have to pee, bad.

I roll out of bed. Carefully choose my walking path. Even in my sleepy haze I know where not to step in order to avoid a painful battering of my toes.

I open the door to the bedroom and am met, almost instantly, with a dachshund nose straight to the crotch.  "well hello to you too Bean" (it happens every time)

I pee.  Of course it happens to be with an audience, but non the less, I pee.

Back to bed.

I have this thing that I do every time I lay down.  I place my hands on my belly and 'talk' to my babies.

I laid there for about 30 seconds or so ...

AND I FELT THEM MOVE!!!!

My eyes shot open and my heart jumped.

'Did that really just happen??'  I thought.

"Babe, they moved! I felt them move!"

"Do what?"

John rolled over and laid his hand on my belly... and waited.

HE FELT THEM MOVE TOO!!

I can't begin to tell you how perfect it was.

Make it another double, please. (Ashley)

So, since Mr. Stubborn over here had been so adamant about not wanting to know the genders before these two beauties grace our presence, I decided I needed to have 4 names picked out BEFORE I find out.

Done!

4 names.  Good ones, if you ask me.  To be quite honest, we put a lot of thought and heart in to picking out these names.  In fact, these names are soooooo good that....  I want to use them all. Yes, all of them.

SO.... that only means one thing.

We gotta have two more babies.  It's a must.

Yeah, John may have just passed out after reading that.  hahahaha.

Unfortunately, we had agreed that one pregnancy (whether we were blessed with one or two babies) would be all we were going to do.  FORTUNATELY... it's TWO.

I know some people with some really unique and loooong names... but I don't think I am going to do that to these little ones.  However the cookie crumbles and what ever genders they are they will have good names (my opinion). Maybe I can talk one of them into using one of the names not used for their children.

Well, a lot has been going on.  I have been wanting to blog a bit lately but haven't really made the time. I apologize for this and will try to do better.  

Stay tuned, I have some rants about the DR office that we were referred to, some updates about the latest DR visit, a story about a hammock and a pistol, and well, just more talking to do.  : )

But, for now, I'm calling it a night.

G'night all.

Appointment Update (John)

Well, as you know, we had our first OBGYN appointment yesterday.  We will still be making some trips to EVMS because of the high risk (twins) nature of the pregnancy, but at this point we are done with The Jones Institute.  Kinda sad, as we had developed some good friendships with the doctors and nurses there.  A wonderful group of people to whom we owe a great debt of gratitude.

Ashley was supposed to update you on the appointment last night.  But after 3 hours at the doctor's office, dinner, and a tub of ice cream she called it a night.  Such is the life of a pregnant Ashley.

Anyway, we have healthy, active, growing babies and everything checked out beautifully.  Measurements, heart rates, everything was perfect.  One of the twins even rolled over and gave us a wave during the ultrasound.  Priceless!

I have to tell you that, up to this point, this whole experience has seemed somewhat surreal to me.  Everything from the IVF to the confirmation of twins, despite the waiting, has been a cloudy, dusty, whirlwind.  Not anymore!  There's nothing like arms and legs, hands and feet, fingers and toes, and beating hearts to clear the air and drive home the reality.  Ashley didn't see it because she was mesmerized by ultrasound monitor, but my eyes were full of tears and my heart was beating a mile a minute when I saw those images.  Wow!  This is happening and it's happening fast.

Now, for the next big challenge we face.  All the talk now is about finding out the sex(es).  We can do it now with blood work, we can do it soon with 4D ultrasound, we can find out in a few weeks with normal ultrasound.  Wait just a stinking minute here!  I don't want to know!  I like surprises.  And the way I see it, it's the only reason for me to be in the delivery room at the end of all this.  Why else would I want to be in room for several hours with an angry woman, blood and guts, and sight and sounds that could scar me for life.  You see, I pass out at the sight of blood and guts.  Thankfully, I know this and readily recognize when it's time to lay down and put my cheek against the cold tile floor.

Conversely, any of you who know Ashley also know that she wants to find out if these babies are boys or girls or both.  YESTERDAY!  She could care less about a surprise.  So, the plan is for her to find out and not tell me.  Stay tuned to see how that plays out.  :)

Oh, and one last thing.  Ashley's been released for normal physical activity.  She's been taking it easy for about 3 1/2 months during IVF and the first trimester.  Couple that with her crazy work schedule for all of 2014, and we haven't had many opportunities to sleep in the woods together.  So the planning has begun for the next backcountry outing.  Soon we'll be strapping on the backpacks and heading deep in the mountains to take in the nature and solitude.  John, Ashley, the babies, mountains streams, campfires, hammocks...I can't wait!

Waiting... again (Ashley)

I'm finding that there are many instances during a pregnancy that you have to "wait".

Wait to get pregnant.
Wait to see if you're pregnant.
Wait to see how many.
Wait to hear a heartbeat.
Wait to see them babies again.
Wait to find out the genders.
Wait to watch them grow inside.
Wait to meet them.

So much waiting.  (did i mention that i happen to be the most impatient, patient person i know?)

Currently, I am waiting on John.  He's on his way home so we can go to our first official Dr. appointment since I've been cut loose from the In Vitro place.

I get to see my babies today!!!!  

Today I am 12 weeks.  I have been waiting for 5 whole weeks to see them again.  It's torturous, actually.

Dang, seems like yesterday that we got this journey started.  I am so nervous/excited/happy/scared.

Two babies! WOW.  

I wish there was a way to explain the feeling I have right now.  It's so crazy.

I will post pictures of the babies later tonight when I get them!

Bye for now!!

Man does this girl have to pee! (John)

Well, as you can tell, I'm not much of a blogger.  A month and a half between posts is a bit much.  I'll try to get better.  This is a follow-up to Ashley's earlier post.

I gotta pee???  That's an understatement!  I don't know how it works, but she drinks 12 ounces and pees 48???  If she was drinking beer I'd understand.  But water and fruit juice?  Makes no sense.

It goes something like this.  I gotta pee.  Man, I've really gotta pee.  No, hold up, I've gotta pee NOW!  Man!  How many times can one person pee in a day?  We're about to find out.

As for this name thing.  Easy?  Well, kinda.  Decided?  Maybe.  But if you know Ashley we'll be deciding, re-deciding, assessing, and re-assessing names until these babies are born.  Hey, it's what we do.  In the end, though, they'll have meaningful names tied to a heritage of good, family oriented people.  That's what counts.

Oh, and the gender thing.  Well, as cliché as it sounds, we truly just want two healthy children.  But, I am concerned about having two girls.  Not concerned for the girls, but for Ashley.  You see, when I meet Ashley she did not even own a dress.  Jeans?  Check!  T-shirts?  Check!  Cowboy boots?  Check!  Work clothes (and I mean industrial strength work clothes)?  Check!  Work boots?  Check!  Batman shirt?  Check!

Dresses, skirts, heels, frilly/girly things?  Notta!  You can count on one hand (maybe two) the number of times I've seen this girl in make-up.

I'm afraid if girls pop out she's gonna say, "AAAAHHHH, put 'em back!".  We'll deal with that when the time comes.

Boys?  We got this!

Regardless of gender, these kids are going to experience life and nature and all of God's creation, and pursue their passions and dreams without inhibitions.  I hope this involves hammocks, tents, backpacks, campfires, bicycles, Volkswagen vans.......

As for her sickness and nausea, I hate to say, for the most part, I am not there for her.  See, she works 6 and 7 days a week and deals with it while building nuclear powered submarines.  Yes, she's badass!  Excuse my French.  When she is with me, though, I hope being wrapped in my arms is better than eating.  If not, I shall cook.

And finally, the physiological changes that My Love is experiencing.  I'll start by saying that she is truly glowing.  I think that comes with being an awesome person, excited about the opportunity to influence two young lives.

Then there's the belly.  Well, My Love has always had a bit of a pudge.  It's just a little more pronounce right now.  Along with other things.  I'll just leave it at that and be thankful for drawstrings and elastic.

I will touch on one last thing, though.  The boobs!  Hear this!  Ashley Bouguet-Maxey is overflowing an A-cup.  Nuff said!

I gotta pee. (Ashley)

It all started with names.

The harsh reality that our lives now revolve around the number 2. Well if you include us then 4. But you get my point.

Names were easy.  We decided on 2 girls and 2 boys.

Reason for the early name choosingness, is that my trusty dusty husband doesn't want to know the genders. GREEEEAT.  I want to know... I HAVE to know.

I think its my duty to find out. Right?

Well, this is definitely gonna be interesting.

I can't keep secrets from him as it is... I get him birthday gifts and he knows what it is before he opens them... heck... he knows before I wrap it.  :/

oh well...

I think I can find out in 5 and a half weeks!! HOLY CRAAAAAP!

What if it's two girls... girly girls.  That want to wear dresses and drink tea. OMG.

I was a total tomboy growing up. Playing in mud. Torturing my brother. Coming home with scabbed up knees. Finding worms after a good rain.

This could be bad.

No, no, no. I got this.  WEEEEE got this.
Calm down Ashley.
I keep forgetting that I have the perfect partner to raise children with.

I keep thinking of all the things I want to do, see, experience.   I know that having kids changes life, but I only see it enhancing ours.

You know, now I'm gonna have a little minion to carry my backpack when we go on long hikes.  lol... not really.

However, John did just get me a double hammock (he already had one) and said that I could comfortably fit me AND a little one in there. He said he can take one and I can take one. (He is way more excited then he lets on I think) He was even looking at kid carrier hiking packs for the both of us. : )  I love him.

-------

Well, let me just say, this pregnancy thing ain't no walk in the park.  It's more like a roller coaster ride on Dr. Dread after you've eaten a four course dinner.

My stomach decides to do backflips every morning that continue on well into my mid-day.  The only way I have found to combat it is, to eat.  Lightly. But continually.

I know everyone is different. I actually have had a lot of good advice on different things to try.  I have tried everything, I think. Crackers. Lemons. Peppermints. Tootsie pops. Ginger Ale. Bananas and milk.

Everything.

I will say this... mommy lesson learned number 1!...   orange juice is BAD.
I had never had indigestion/ heart burn... until... orange juice.

It hates me.
Now, the feeling is mutual.

-------

That isn't the only body changes taking place on this ol thing. Belly is sticking out (mostly from food, not babies yet.)  Boobs are getting HUGE. Well... okay, huge for me.  I think I can finally classify myself as an A cup.  hahaha.   About time.   Them dang training bra's were a bit embarrassing.

I did go up two pant sizes already.  And I have to wear John's gym shorts around the house.

Oh... and I have to pee about 72 times a day/night.  I get no sleep and no work done.

Speaking of.... I do need to pee.  So, I think I will end it here today.

: )

Times Two! (Ashley)

It's been 25 days since you've heard from me...  

I have lots to say too... I have had emails and messages from people asking me why I haven't blogged lately.

Truth be told, I hadn't had a day off since I got back from my vacation. And, I am still on these dag-gone estrogen pills and patches that are making me so sleepy.

Let's pick back up at 4th of July...

I was actually on vacation in New Mexico, visiting my great-grandma (soon to be great-great).  We have a little get together every 4th for those who won't be able to attend her birthday in October.  She will be 101 this year. And she is pretty much the coolest grandma ever. Probably even cooler than yours.  But who knows. : )

Well, my original pregnancy test was June 26th.  They confirmed the pregnancy with that initial test but wanted to do a follow up to make sure everything was going well.   So, I had planned to do the second blood work in NM.  Mind you, I don't know my way around this town we are staying in, so my aunt and uncle offered to take us to get blood work.  Poor them.  We went to the hospital and the line for blood work was practically out the door and sweeping around the building.  

So, on to LabCorp.  

Ok. We walk in... no one was in line.  we stood there... and stood there.  We could hear people talking... but we stood some more.

Finally, a lady comes out and finds out what we need.  I ask here the probability that we could have the results before COB today because my doctors needed the info today.  She says... chances are nil!!

They send all their blood work to Dallas!  TEXAS!  WTH??

So, I look at my poor unsuspecting aunt and uncle and ask if we could try one more place.  Of course they say yes... they may just be the most chill people I know. 

Well we make it to a hospital.  At this point, I figured I would be lucky to get the results by the time I get back to VA.  But, while the girl is drawing my blood, I explain to her the situation and she seems super eager to help get the results expedited!!

She did just that.  They had my results back to me within a couple of hours!! AAAND, she even called my DR office to tell them she faxed them to them too. There are still good people in this world.

Well, as I am looking at the results and doing the "math"... it seems that my numbers (of HCG) are pointing to a likely hood of twins. 

---------

Now, fast forward a little. 

I was told that I need to schedule an ultrasound for anytime after the 15th of July.  The first available was the 18th!    I'll take it!

When my DRs office had called to me go over the second results, she told me that my due date was March 3rd.

MARCH 3RD???

So, I did some more math... (a lot of math goes on when you're getting knocked up)

That means that I will be 7 weeks pregnant on the 15th!!!   Holy crap! I think we skipped some steps. 

-----

We went and had the ultrasound on the 18th... yet again, I was faced with that dag-gone wand that goes inside. I hate that thing.

I don't think she got that durn thing even remotely close to inside and she said " ope! We have TWINS!"

hahaha!

Two beautiful (as much as we could see) and healthy sounding ( we heard two solid heartbeats!! ) babies!

Did I mention?  ...  IM GONNA BE A MOMMMMMMAAA!  (TIMES TWO)

:)

(so, this is less than 2 weeks ago, I will catch you up on the rest tomorrow) promise : )

The 'first' results (Ashley)

Thursday morning I headed in to the institute for blood work.  Specifically, my first pregnancy test.

They drew the blood... in and out in less than 10 minutes.

THEN... another wait. 

These people and their WAITINGNESS!!

Don't they realize that not all of us 'normal' people can do all this waiting?  

I think it was the longest day of my life. I'm sure it was. 

The lady that drew my blood told me that I should hear something by 1:30 that same afternoon.

....tick tock.... tick tock...  

At 1:30 on the DOT I got a phone call. I looked down at the number and almost couldn't answer it.

What if they say it didn't take? What if I AM??

"Hello?"

'Ashley?'

"Yes?"

"Hi, this is Dr. O. I have some really good news for you."

'Oh?'

"Yes, apparently we transferred two beautiful embryos and now we have a beautiful pregnancy."

OH MY GOODNESS... IM GONNA BE A MOMMMMMA!!!

This should catch you up. (Ashley)

I am still trying to catch you up to the 2 week wait, huh?

So, about the ovaries.

Yes.  The focal point of the last few weeks.  The point of these dag-gone fertility drugs is to make those small, little ol' egg producing factories do what they do best... create eggs.

And boy did they.

These doctors/scientist have this process refined to (near) perfection.  I know that there is a bit of "guessing" at the initial dosages and what not, but when they get it, they get it.

The doctor(s) explained that my ovaries contain follicles. Typically, each follicle produces one egg.  Not every egg will mature in time for ovulation... but our goal was to mature the eggs, induce ovulation, and catch those suckers before they drop.

You can't imagine how heavy an ovary can get... i swear a had a 10 lb bowling ball in my abdomen. Seriously.

HEAVY.

Have i mentioned in any of this that I am painstakingly modest? Well well well...

To monitor these growing, egg producing, heavy ovaries, the doctor takes blood and does an ultra sound....
Doesn't sound too bad, does it?

Yeah, right.  

The ultrasound wand....... GOES INSIDE!!!!

What the heck?!?!?!
You want me to do what? You want to put that WHERE?
Oh my gawwww... super embarrassing. But, I lived to fight another day.

So we monitor these ovaries... all the while my jeans are getting snug. Great, I'm gonna get fat while I'm at it.

They grow my ovaries to the size of small grapefruits.  yes.   small. GRAPEFRUITS!

I will say that it was cool to watch the follicles continue to get big.  Inside each follicle, they believe there would be 1 egg.  The first ultrasound we did the doctor said, "oh goody, you're full of follicles"

By the time we were done "growing" the eggs, I had approximately 7-8 follicles in each ovary.  Each follicle was about 1 inch in diameter...

Holy crap... I felt like I was going to explode.

I have managed to make it to the final step of the "fertility" part.  The last part is a shot, go figure.  They call this one the "trigger shot".  It is a shot of HcG. It makes the eggs mature. It also makes you ovulate in exactly 38 hours.
Like I said, they have this down to a fine science... so, at the 36 hour mark, they go in and grab'em while they're hot.

Waiting... waiting... waiting... BAM!

So... we made it to the retrieval days.  John's retrieval was Monday... I will let him fill you in on that excitement.  (Fellas, you may not want to read about that one. It isn't for the faint of heart.)
His retrieval, although seemingly painful, went very smoothly.  We extracted some sperms and sent them to the incubator to bask for the night.

My retrieval was the following morning.   Bright and early.

(I was naked under that thing... that in its self was an experience. lol)

They got mad at me because I had a piece of gum that morning. WTH? haha.

Oh and I should also mention, that was the first time I had been given anesthesia... WOAH!  That stuff messed me up. One second I was talking to a room full of people about being modest, the next thing I know, I'm waking up as I'm being rolled outta the room.

The retrieval was a success.  15 eggs were retrieved.  That, from what I understand, is a great number.  The doctor did say that we wouldn't be able to use them all because some were not as developed as they needed to be.  I was fine with that... I just wanted to have a couple at the very least.
We ended up being able to fertilize 8 eggs!

So, off to the lab with my eggs!  My eggs and John's swimmers had a blind date.  lol
CONCEPTION.

Now we wait.  72 hours.

72 hours and the products of all this torture will emerge.
In the first 24 hours the embryo will split into 2 cells.
the next 24, it divides into 4 cells.
If the embryo makes it to the next 24 hours, ideally it should be 6-9 cells.

On the day of my transfer, I was notified that one of the embryos did not make it.  So, now we are down to 7.
The doctor did come in and say "today, we are going to be transferring two beautiful embryos"
My heart was put to a little ease.

We had one, 9 cell embryo.
One, 8 cell embryo.
Two, 7 cell.
And three 6 cell.   ( i think i got that right, something along those lines)

John and I had already decided we were going to transfer 2 embryos.  Statistically, there is a chance there could be twins.  However, statistically, there is a chance we could also not get pregnant.

The transfer went smoothly... John got to be in the room when they did it.  ( I think it would feel weird if I got knocked up and he wasn't even in the room. Explain THAT to a kid later down the road)

(side note ::  he wore that thing home... just like that) (( this is gonna be a weird kid))

Wellllll... I caught you up to the transfer day....  Friday, June 13th.

Now, you get to wait with me.  13 whole days!

They refer to it as THE 2WW.  (the 2 week wait)

It is the most miserable, heart wrenching, stressful (but good stress), anxiety inducing, traumatic 2 weeks of a woman's life.

I want so bad to know.
But I must wait.
2 more days!!

Thursday. That's the day I have been counting down too. The day I am afraid of.
What if it didn't take.  What if it did?

My mind has been a pinball machine for the last 11 days.

Guess... I will just have to keep waiting.

John's 2nd Post

Well, as you know, John is now part of this blog.  A major contributor, in fact.  But I want you to know that I have not "chimed in" so that you can know my "2 cents worth".  I truly believe that Ashley and I are unique.  And not just in the sense of "she's young, he's old, she's been there, he's been there, yadda, yadda, yadda".  We truly have something special.  An understanding of each other, an appreciation of each other's past experiences, a desire to figure each other out on a much deeper level, and a desire to pass our love on to our child(ren) and future generations.

Right now, unfortunately, we are in the dreaded 13 day waiting period associated with the IVF process.  A period with more questions than answers.  A period that is tougher on Ashley than it is on John.  You see, Ashley has little (no) patience, and John is a" let's kick back and see what happens" type of guy.  So...we have until Thursday to wait...and find out???

In the interim, let's discuss more of this IVF process.  Did I mention that it involves needles?  Lots and lots of needles.  And did I mention (or maybe Ashley did) that needles make me weak in the knees, and in some cases, make me visit the floor on an involuntary basis?  We've both given blood for general labs, estrogen levels, hormones screening, HIV tests, etc.  And I've faced needles for the purpose of numbing parts of my body that I don't necessarily want numbed.  But the biggest needle challenge was when Ashley had to poke herself in the stomach during the stimulation process.  Well, she couldn't do it!  So who had to step in?  Me?  Mr. pass out at the sight of needle.  But, you know what?  I did it!  And I did it multiple times per day, over the course of several weeks, because I knew it was part of a process that will make our dreams come true.

So, my hopes for this blog are twofold.  First, I hope to amuse you with our comical experiences associated with getting impregnated and all that comes along with that.  And second, I hope to introduce you to a relationship that will inspire you and challenge you to take yours to new levels.

I love you Ashley!  And I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! 

The wait. (Ashley)

I am so tired.

All I can think about is this wretched wait.  2 WHOLE WEEKS!

Do these people not realize that I have ADD!

Well it's been 9 days so far... but I guess I need to catch you up.

I can try.

31 days ago...  That's when I started taking an injectable... Lupron... in my stomach!!!  If you have been reading these blogs then you may remember my encounter in the bathroom at 4 am.  My inability to stick myself...  : )

Right. It never got any easier. EVER. I think I took that one for 15 days. I don't know... i just remember that I became a human pin cushion.  SEE...

YES! Those are bruises you see.  

That was actually on a good day when some were fading.  I will tell you, it's very hard to poke yourself.  Especially when you know that is going to be the outcome. 

Anywho, we have toughed it out and gotten this far...

So, Lupron. Check.

15 days. Check.

Bruises. Check.

Next step...  Fertility drugs!

More poking and needle jabbing to look forward to. Check.

Gonna be worth it all in the end. Check.

So, on June 1st. (with the aide of a negative HIV test) I was able to start my drugs on time.  I will say, I think about that whole escapade and I STILL can't believe that we had to go through that.  I wouldn't wish any of that scenario on my worst enemy.  

Anyways, ( i get side tracked some times... I'm not sure if i mentioned i have ADD)

*oh look! A SQUIRREL!!

Right.

Well, this is what i had to look forward to....

: ( yep yep... mooooore needles.

Needless to say, John has been my saving grace in all of this poking.  Every single day, bright and early, when he could have been sleeping for a few more hours, he would get up, outta bed and poke me.     THEN crawl right back in bed.  None the less, he gets all the credit.

(hey... so i figured out the picture thing.) 

(( apparently, dummy))

Well, it stays pretty boring for about 10 days.  Just a lot of poking and what not.

OH WAAAIIIT.  I almost forgot about the ultra sounds... and the whole reason I'm taking these things.... hahaha... 

MY OVARIES!!  Holy cow.  They have been the absolute center of the universe for the past few weeks.  Did you know, your ovaries are normally the size of almonds? Most of the time.  Or rather, most of the month... lol

Anywhoooo.

I am going to have to fill you in on my ovaries tomorrow.  This girl is beat!  I've been working a lot... I think about 90 hours this week. YUCK.

SO, I will pick this up tomorrow.

Goodnight my friends!

John Joins the Blog

So, I'll start by saying that loving Ashley Bourguet has been the greatest, yet most rewarding challenge I have ever faced.  How many of you reading this blog can say that they are married to the coolest, sexiest, most interesting person you have ever met?  I can!  Those who know us, whether through social media, face-to-face friendship, or whatever, know us as simply John and Ashley.  We do what we do.  We work, we play, we travel, we cycle, we garden, we don't eat animals, we backpack, we sleep in the woods, we love each other like no other.  But, until recently, it has been just that...John and Ashley.

Then, the question was asked (I won't say who asked it), "what will Ashley do when John is gone."  Well, John doesn't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. But, he is an old fart, likely to depart this spherical, orbiting place we call earth many years before Ashley.  Couple that with the fact that Ashley would (and will) be the coolest mom a kid could ever have, and you understand how we are where we are today.  She deserves this!  We deserve this!

So...where is that?  It's a place where things are not done naturally.  A place where natural order is disrupted.  Uteruses are evaluated, ovaries are stimulated, testicles are violated, and ultimately...hopes and dreams are cultivated.

We don't have confirmation yet, but we are hopeful and confident that we are about to start a family that extends well beyond "John and Ashley".  We are excited about the opportunity, humbled by the challenge, and stand ready to step up to the plate and offer this world an addition that is open minded, socially responsible, and well-grounded in the principles of virtue and morality.

More interesting details of our journey will emerge as this blog grows.  I'll just leave it at that.  For now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy this journey with us.

More to the story (Ashley)

John called the place that drew my blood.  He asked the nurse when we could expect the results.  She said ‘it depends’.  He quickly filled her in on the importance of these results.  She said that the only place on the East coast that does this specific test was in North Carolina.

GREAT! This is never going to happen now.  My world has just stopped spinning. 

The nurse told him that it was possible to expedite the test if it was a ‘1 to 3 day test’ but not if it was a ‘5 to 7 day test’.  She couldn’t tell by what she had in front of her face.  She reassured John that she would call and find out and call him back to let him know what type of test it was.  What she DID know was that the blood had left the office at noon that day (Thursday) and only had to travel about 4 hours to the lab in NC.  She said she would let us know something by the end of the day.

SHE NEVER CALLED BACK!

Mind you, this is all Thursday.  I am supposed to be starting my IVF cycle Saturday.  We cannot start the cycle until we have the results.

The day ends.  No word. From anyone, at all.  Patience…. I need patience.

Friday rolls around.  After another sleepless night, I talk myself into getting out of bed and facing the day head on. 

I will NOT let this day have the best of me. 

I go in to work, put on a happy face, and put my crew to work.  You know, it’s hard to keep a straight face when people complain about petty things when you are faced with such turmoil.   I heard so many things that morning that just made me fight to keep my mouth closed.  Somehow I managed not to wear my emotions and problems on my sleeve. 

I made it to lunch without breaking into pieces.  The whole time I keep reminding myself that this procedure isn’t going to be taking place next week.  Every time I reiterated it to myself my heart clenched tighter.

Lunch is over at 12:30.  I was having an impromptu crew talk in our cage and my phone rings.  12:43.

My DR’s office is calling me.  Something inside me collapsed.  I stepped away from the crew and answered the phone.  Maddie, my Dr’s nurse, asked me how I was doing.  I said ‘I’ll be great once I get these dang results’. 

She said ‘wait, you don’t know?’ 

“KNOW WHAT??”

She said ‘you’re results came back neagative’

Iiiiiiiii kneeeeeeew it!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently the dr’s were more excited than they thought I would be to hear that the results were negative.  THEY FORGOT TO CALL AND TELL ME!!!

They had gotten the results back that morning.  Everyone there, I guess, assumed that since I told them I wasn’t positive, thought that I didn’t need to hear it from them. Lol

Maddie apologized for not letting me know sooner… but they had already worked out my meds and time table for the cycle to proceed….

We are proceeeeeeeeding!!!

Well, well, with all that being said, I almost have you caught up to present day stuff now…

BUUUUT  I think I will pick back up tomorrow.

: )

Good night!

Without a doubt (Ashley)

IVF… 

That’s how we are starting our little family.  Nothing is wrong, both healthy just need a little help.  You know who over here, eh hem, no names, John…  had a vasectomy some years back. So, here we are.

Boy have we been in for some excitement.  : )    (I do have pics by the way… just gotta figure this thing out)

... back to the story….

What they should have told me at the beginning of this is that I needed blood work.  A type of blood work that isn’t done at the particular medical establishment that I have been going to.  What they also should have told me is that with this particular blood work there can be “glitches”. 

Welllllll, leave it to me and my body to throw a “glitch” into this scenario. 

And of course, the timing couldn’t have been better. Actually, I should say worse. 

The blood work was a test for HIV. 

If you think you’ve ever received hectic news that stopped your heart… you.can’t.even.imagine.  That news didn’t stop my heart, it shattered it.

It wasn’t “news”. It was lies.

Had to be. There’s no WAAAAY I have HIV.

My mind turned into a pinball machine. ‘oh my gaw, I could have it’

‘no don’t say that. That’s rubbish’

‘but what IIIFFF??’  ‘I could have gotten it at work, I cut myself all the time and really, really bad a few times. What if someone here… no no no… stop thinking like that Ashley’

This is stupid.

Well, back track a little bit. Did I mention that I was told these results while I was at work?  I didn’t think I had. 

I have a crew of 15 people.  I build submarines. 

When you are trying to process information like this your mind kind of shuts EVERYTHING else out.  It did just that.  I caught myself walking around in circles for about half an hour at one point.  People would talk to me and I couldn’t hear what they were saying, it was in a foreign language.

I called John the second that I got those results.  I didn’t know what else to do.  The Dr. had told me on the phone that I shouldn’t worry. 

‘Sometimes this happens. We see it, not a lot but enough that you shouldn’t be worried.  We need you to go back and get more blood work.  We want to run a different test but need a new sample.’

I left work immediately. Had blood drawn.

Lost every wink I could have gotten of sleep that night.

The next day I was supposed to be having my appointment to figure out what meds I need to be on for the next week….  The Dr called, she wants to push the process back a week.  By law she can’t continue until she has the results of the new test.

I

AM

DEVISTATED

Did I mention I walked around in circles? Well, now I was walking around like a zombie.  I couldn’t function hardly at all.

I wanted, no NEEDED, these results to hurry.

I had my appointment on the 29^{th  (Thursday)} like I was supposed to.  I never doubted the facts. I knew the truth but I will say that it creates a small pocket for doubt to dwell in.   And dwelling, it was.

I wasn’t the only one in which doubt was churning in a small pocket.  He doesn’t admit it, but he was concerned. 

I think what helped keep both of our heads, and the doctors, above water was the fact that his came back negative.  Also, one year ON THE DAY, I had a para-med for a life insurance review. (John took out something like a million dollar life insurance policy on me, so if I ever turn up missing… you know.  Jus sayin) In that blood work I tested negative.  Two months prior to that, I donated blood to the Red Cross, again, negative results.

I was certain. 

….  I think I will leave you with that… pick back up tomorrow.  I will try and figure this picture thing out too tomorrow.  : )

Good night.

More to the story (Ashley)

Well, I wasn’t supposed to be blogging all by myself.  We had intended to hit this from both sides.  You know, so you could hear my story… and his. 

Oh well.

I kinda want to rewind a bit.  I’d like to catch you up on the way we found each other.   I mean, if that doesn’t sound to boring.

Its weird… I dated here and there, thought I found someone I could spend my life with. Needless to say, I was obviously mistaken.  That’s not to take away from the time I spent with those in my past… I have great memories and countless stories.  But there was something different about this one…

I moved to Virginia in late 2005. October to be exact, the 27^th.  The reason?.. well, the reason turned out to be a mistake… but the ultimate outcome has brought me here.

It’s brought me to today.  This incredible person that I found that makes me whole.  He’s my soul.

Ok ok. Sooooo, we gotta change it up for a minute.  The post I started before this was interrupted by a need for sleep.  Then that was interrupted by a barrage of crazy crazy crazy events. 

It’s been so crazy that I don’t even know where to start. 

It’s June 2^nd. 

On May 5^th I started taking birth control… for the first time in my life.  Totally backwards.

A couple years ago John and I talked about starting a family.  He didn’t think he wanted to have any more children.  He has four from a previous marriage. 

We decided that a family is just what we needed.

We are currently on a journey to start that family.

I hope you want to keep reading.  I have so much to say and so much to share.

I can’t begin to tell you how stoked we are.  John included.

I think he will chime in eventually. At least I hope so.

So, back to the craziness… that is, if you’re interested.

Have I mentioned how in love I am with this man??

DEEPLY.

So, like I said… birth control.  Step one.

Step two… injections… (as you may have read earlier).

Step three… blood work…

Step three begins to add a little haze to my life.   On May 29^th, I was scheduled for my appointment to get detailed information about the drugs I was going to have to take.

....I almost missed that appointment.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about it.

But… Good night for now.